Sunday, October 16, 2011

1 Corinthians 13

I haven't written in about 10 months. Isn't that crazy? So much has changed in 10 months that I wouldn't even begin to know where to start and how to fill the blogosphere in on all that has happened in my life. So instead, I'll just tell you the two most important things going on in my life right now.

I am currently in the last two semesters of the Early Childhood Education program at KCKCC. I'm finding it so hard to believe that in less than a year I'll have a degree. I mean really, I'm only 20 (almost 21). Graduating college with a degree seems bizarre to me. I remember being in high school and thinking I'd never get to this point- that it would take forever. I'll have been out of high school for 3 years next May, and I can hardly believe that either. I'm feeling more like an adult every day that passes. I know I've legally been an adult for almost 3 years now, but I honestly don't believe I became the adult I am now until recently

I can't even express how excited I am to begin teaching once I graduate. I'm required to do an internship next semester, and even though I'll be putting in a lot of hours for free, I'm so excited to begin doing what I've come to love. I must admit when I first entered the ECE program, it was because I thought it would be a fast and easy road to a degree. I was right about it happening fast; the last 2.5 years have FLOWN by. In fact, when my advisor/head of my program told me last spring that I could graduate in May 2012, I was shocked! My jaw may have literally dropped. But what I was wrong about was it being easy. It's been a rough, but enjoyable, road. The classes and projects have been incredibly challenging and have pushed me to my limit several times. But what happened in the process of all of the classes was that I fell in love with Early Childhood Education. I gained a passion for teaching young children; for being the one to give these children an education that will be the foundation for the rest of their school years. Those first few years are SO important!


Can you tell I'm excited? I never thought I'd be at this point in my life. I wondered for years and years when I'd find that guy. I spent my high school years dreaming of the day I'd get engaged and could start planning my wedding. And when I met Michael last September, I had no idea he'd be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with. We started out as co-workers, which turned into a friendship. We spent hours sitting in my car just talking about life; we were both struggling with a lot when we formed a friendship. I had just had my heart broken by someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I thought that was the plan God had for my life. But looking back now, I realize that I wasn't listening to God's plan. I was making my own plan and assuming it was God's. I had never asked God if my ex was the one for me. When he left me, I thought I'd never get past it, even with God's help. And I must admit that I gave up on God for quite some time. (sidenote: I've never understood why people say they "found" God, because God is not the one who is lost. He is always waiting for you to come back to Him, where He's waiting with open arms.)

When I lost my faith in God, I lost everything pretty much. I struggled in school, at work, and stopped talking to a lot of my friends. Most importantly, I stopped being the daughter/granddaughter/sister I had always been to my family. I stopped caring about anything and everything. But Michael never gave up on me. He helped me to get through my heartache, and in the process, I fell in love with him. I can remember the exact moment I realized I was in love with him. At this point, we were still just friends. Friends who spent A LOT of time together; we were together almost everyday. We watched movies, held hands, and spent a lot of hours laughing, But we were still just friends. We had gone for a walk and ended up deep in the woods, and stumbled upon a train track. There was a train car that was standing alone, and Michael thought it would be fun to climb up into it and mess around, so we did. A few minutes later, we heard a train coming (there were two sets of tracks running parallel to each other). When the train started rushing past us, we were so close to it. We sat on the edge of the train car and just watched. I felt such a rush of freedom and happiness. I hadn't felt that way in months. I closed my eyes and felt the rush of air engulfing us. I looked over at Michael and we just started laughing and smiling. At that moment, I fell in love with him. I don't know why it happened at that moment, but it did. The problem was that Michael didn't love me back. Michael didn't even have feelings for me back- we were just friends.

Obviously that all changed. Somehow, Michael fell in love with me too. And 8 months later, he asked me to become his wife. When he proposed to me, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Michael was my saving grace, and I strongly believe that God put us through all the tough stuff in our life so that we could find each other someday. Michael helped restore my faith in God and bring me back to life. He's my angel.

God knew all along what it was I needed after my ex left me. But I wouldn't listen to Him. I wouldn't turn to Him to help fix me. I gave up on God, but what I didn't realize is that God NEVER gave up on me. He knew I was angry with Him, so He sent me Michael. Michael was my saving grace. And he still is.

I have a tattoo on my arm that reads "love never fails." It's from my favorite bible verse. When I got this tattoo, I was with my ex. I thought what we had was love. That I would never stop loving him. But what I realize when I look at my tattoo is that real love never fails. If the so called love I had for my ex failed, then it wasn't real love to begin with. Yes, I cared about him tremendously. And he did break my heart. But the person who put my heart back together...he's the only one I will ever love for the rest of my life. He's my real love. And I know that God will not let Michael and I's love fail.