everything's changing.

I am feeling so incredibly liberated today. You wanna know something sad? I'm not really friends with anyone I was friends with in high school. I graduated less than a year ago. Isn't it funny how much things change? People always say "we'll talk all the time, nothing's going too change! we'll still be just as good of friends!" Well let me tell you what. That, my friends, is a load of crap. Seriously. Sure, I still "chat" with some people, but barely anyone makes an effort to talk or hang out with me when we're all on break. I was the only one still hanging on. And that's really sad, ya know. But it's gotten easier lately. But yet it was still hard. And I think I figured out why. My room was covered in pictures of my friends and I in high school, and even a select few I made while at KU. I was constantly looking at those memories. And they all made me sad. Leaving KU was hard because I knew I was leaving some pretty great friends. That was the ONLY thing holding me back. But now those people don't ever talk to me unless I talk to them first. What kind of friendship is that? The same goes for the friends I had in high school. No one really makes an effort to be my friend. So I'm letting all of that go. Today I took down every picture that included someone who wasn't really my friend anymore. And you know what the sad part about that is? The only pictures I had left were of my family, one of my boyfriend, and two with me and my dog in them. But you know what? I don't feel sad about that anymore. People grow up and they change. They move on, make new friends, etc. And honestly, I don't need my life filled with people who just don't give a darn about me. Most of them will tell me they just don't have time to chat very often, they're always busy, etc. But that's a load of crap too. I see these people on Facebook all the time. If you've got time to Facebook, you've got time to say a quick hello to someone or ask how their life has been.

Sorry for all of that. Just something I needed to get off my chest. I feel so much better about everything. My life is going so well now, and while it would be nice for someone to care about that or have someone to share it with, I'm okay. I've got my family, my boyfriend (who also happens to be my best friend), and my puppy. And of course God. And honestly, that's all I need to be happy. :)

I feel like I'm 5 again.

I think I need a chill pill. For real. I'm so angry I could spit right now. Okay, maybe angry isn't the right word. Maybe just frustrated. I dunno. I just wish you could grow up ya know? I wish I could be proud of you and look up to you the way I used too but I can't. There is nothing to be proud of or to look up too. Maybe a few SMALL things, but really, that's about it. I love you so much. But I have no respect for you anymore. You aren't the same person I used to know. Maybe I've changed, maybe you've changed. Who can say for sure? I'm not asking you to change all of your ways. In fact, I'm sure you'll NEVER read this. But at least I'll feel better knowing it's been said. I just want you to grow up. Act your age. Yeah, it's fun to still mess around and play. But are you EVER serious? I can't say that you are because I don't believe that. I know you love your life and I'm sure YOU wouldn't change a thing. But have you thought about how the way you're living is affecting some of us? You're becoming just like him, you know. I don't want to see that happen to you. We were supposed to be better people. Can you honestly say you're doing that? Or are you just lingering in his footsteps? I don't want to see you take that path. I wish you could get some HUGE reality check. I'm praying for you. Big time. I know God will take care of you. I also know you don't believe that whatsoever. But He will. He's always holding you up so you don't fall. Maybe it's just not your time to change. But I sure hope that time is soon.

oh, how things change...

I crack myself up. You wanna know why? Because two days ago I was SO set on Nursing. But I took this whole weekend (or rather, just most of today) to really reflect on my life and what I want to do. I weighed the pros and cons. Nursing would be great, but I'm honestly not sure I could handle it. I'm not so good when it comes to blood or needles and I get pretty squeemish! Plus I know it's a lot of hard work and effort. I'm not saying I can't put forth some hard work or effort, but really, when it comes down to it, I just don't think it's the best option for me.

Now, Psychology has always been an option for me as well. I love Psychology. I love learning about our minds and behaviors and why we do what it is we do. But an Associate's Degree in Psychology won't you get many jobs. So if I want to get a good job with a Psych. degree I'd have to end up transferring to a four year university for my last two years. And honestly, that is not a good idea. I know that for a fact. I hated KU when I went there. (I know it was only one semester, but it was one semester too long!) I hated living in the dorms and sharing a public bathroom and how huge the campus was. KCK is small and 20 minutes from home and I get to sleep in my OWN bed at night and wake up and shower in my OWN shower. I know you have to grow up and move on someday, but right now, that's just not the best option for me.

So that being said, I was pretty much stuck with nothing. Until I remembered how ever since I was a little girl, all I've wanted is to be a teacher. I don't even know why, but something about it just pulls me in! So I was looking at KCK's programs and noticed that they have an Early Childhood Education program. I wouldn't have to go anywhere else at all. I'd still only have an Associate's but you can do a lot more with an Associate's Degree in Early Childhood Education than you can with an Associate's in Psychology!!

This time around, I'm not saying this if official. Because every time THAT happens, it changes! So for now, this is the plan. Stay at home until I finish out the program and then get a job. Who knows, maybe I'll be married by then and won't have to be living under my dad's roof while I'm a grown up. :P

insert clever title here.

Have you ever watched Lost? I'd never watched it until now. We have Seasons 1 and 2 and yesterday I was so bored out of my skull that I just decided to pick it up and watch it. My brother and his friend didn't think I'd like it. Honestly? I'M HOOKED!! I'm only on Disc 3 of the first season but it's SO good. My brother thinks that after the first few seasons I'll give up because it's so confusing. We'll see, but right now I'm loving it! In fact I'm blogging and watching it instead of studying for my math test tomorrow. Teehee. ;)

Today was such a good day. It's finally starting to feel like Spring a little bit! It was still a bit chilly but the sun was shining and it was wonderful. And honestly, even if it'd rained I would've loved it. Spring time is the ONLY time I love rain! Well, and summer too! Just the smell makes me so happy! But anyway, besides the weather, it was just a good day overall. :)

My daddy and I took my dog on a walk earlier, and that was nice too. We've been getting out and walking pretty often, and we decided we're going to make an everyday occurence so long as there is no rain. I'm loving being able to get out and get a little bit of exercise in my day. I wish I had enough motivation to do more than walk, but this'll do for now!

Anyway, I know pretty much no one watches this, but for some reason writing just makes me happy. I've always loved writing! But I better get off and study. Blah!

they say, if you wanna make God laugh then all you gotta do is tell Him your plans.

So it's been forever, huh? So many things get in the way and really, blogging seems like the last thing on my mind! Or ya know, I just totally forgot I even had a blog. Oh how sillly I am.

Things in my life have been going GREAT. God as definitely been rocking my world. Unfortunately I've lost a little sight and not been focusing on Him as much as I should but He definitely keeps letting me know He's here!! How amazing is our God!

School is going really well for once. I thought once I transferred that maybe I would sooner or later regret the change, but I don't! I am so glad I made it. Yeah, it does stink that I lost some friends along the way, but what's really important is that I did what's best for me. And it's definitely paying off. My grades are looking pretty awesome! However, I am still struggling with what to do with my life. That is until today.

Until today I was going to major in Psychology and get my Associate's degree while at KCK, and then transfer to a 4 year university for my last two years in which I would receive my bachelor's degree. However, I've been hearing A LOT lately that I would make a great nurse. So of course, I looked into the program they have for nursing at KCK. If I do that, I won't have to transfer to a four year. I can get my associates at KCK and still work as a nurse. If I had only gotten my associates in Pscyh. there wouldn't be very many jobs you can get with only an associates. And honestly, I don't think going to any other school than KCK is going to be good for me. It's so small and cozy and I love it. It's MUCH like being in high school but I don't know anyone besides a select few, so that's nice. But anyway, I think this fall I am going to take a class to get my CNA. A lot of people keep telling me that working as a CNA is best before totally deciding to go into Nursing. Apparently if I can handle being a CNA, than I can handle being a nurse! So nursing it is OFFICIALLY. I'm so excited to know where I'm going with my life!!

However, if things change, that's okay too. I know God cracks up when He hears our life plans because what He has in mind is probably TOTALLY different. But for right now I feel like God is telling me this is what He wants me to do. I sure hope I'm hearing Him right!

So long, self.

So up until today I've been feeling a little lost. Okay, that's an understatement. I've been feeling COMPLETELY lost. I felt like everything was falling apart. And yes, maybe I was overreacting. (Okay, I probably was. I'm known to do that.) But today, everything felt like it fell back into place. I feel so amazing, so alive!! I've been praying and praying for God to answer my prayers and to fix things in my life, but really, I think it just takes time. I think God just wanted me to realize that He has a plan for me and that I just need to be patient! I need to learn to trust in Him. He gave His life, His son, so that we could live! If He can give up His life, why shouldn't I trust Him with mine?

That's my goal for these next few months as school starts back up and I finish my freshman year as a college student. To trust in Him. He knows what He's doing, so there is NO reason I should doubt him or things in my life. It all happens for a reason! Time heals all wounds, I just need to learn to be patient!!

everything is possible when you have faith.

Okay, so I've been pretty bad about this whole following k-love's encouraging word of the day thing. Forgive me? Good.

I would write about today's but I've got other things on my mind. I'm pretty much incredibly stressed out right now, and I'm trying really hard to keep faith and not give up hope.

My grandma bought me a new ring the other day. It has the words "Everything is possible when you have faith" inscribed on it and I'm pretty much in love with that quote. It's been helpful the last few days when I've been stressed to look down and see those words on my finger. It's really a great reminder.

However, I wish I didn't need a ring to remind me that God is here with me through everything and through my faith in Him I can do anything. I mean sure it's nice and I love that the whole world can see the love I have for the Lord but I feel like I'm just going through the motions in my spiritual walk. The song Motions by Mark Schultz pretty much describes how I've been feeling lately.

I went to church yesterday for the first time in a month or so. And it felt amazing. I forgot how great it made me feel, even if I was running on only 4 hours of sleep. I know you don't have to attend church to have faith and be a Christian, but it's a big part of it for me. To know I am surrounded by all of these other people who share the same love for Christ as I do. It's such an overwhelmingly amazing feeling.

I am just ranting. So I apologize. But when I'm stressed writing just keeps my mind off of other things. I know no one reads this, but it's nice to pretend. Right? Right.

Anyway, I was flipping through the bible (And by that I really mean I was browsing the bible online. Technology is really amazing these days, isn't it?) looking for some sort of verse to help me get through these troubled times and I found a lot, but this one really made me smile and feel better instantly.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. (Psalm 46:1-3)

It just reminds me that even if the world was coming to an end, God is still there. And He always will be. He's one man who will never break your heart, one friend who will never betray you. And I am so thankful for that.